The All-Seeing Television 📺👁️

Now available in four eye colors, because even eldritch horrors deserve customization.

Features include:

Watches you watch it

Knows when you change the channel

Judges your late-night viewing habits

Absolutely not smart TV compatible (it’s already smarter than you)

Choose your fighter:

Blue Eye

Green Eye (with lashes, obviously)

Red Eye (angry mode)

Brown Eye (seen some things)

Finally, a TV that doesn’t ask “Are you still watching?”

It already knows you are.

Weird products sold?

No.

Weird products that sold cable directly to the void.