110+ Dodgy Christmas Jokes You’ll Regret Reading Out Loud

Ah, Christmas — the magical time when joy fills the air, lights twinkle on every street corner, and everyone pretends to enjoy the same old dad jokes found in Christmas crackers. But this year, we’re taking it up a notch (or down a slope, depending on your sense of humor). Welcome to the world of dodgy Christmas jokes: the pun-packed, groan-inducing holiday quips that make the turkey blush and the elves roll their eyes.

This collection of over 110 dodgy Christmas jokes will keep your family laughing, sighing, and possibly regretting their life choices well into New Year’s. Whether you’re looking for something punny, naughty-but-nice, or utterly ridiculous, this list is your one-stop sleigh ride through festive foolishness. Let’s unwrap the humor, shall we?

110+ Dodgy Christmas Jokes You’ll Regret Reading Out Loud

1. Why did Santa go to music school? Because he wanted to improve his “wrap” skills.

2. What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause.

3. Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital? Because he has private elf care!

4. What’s Santa’s favorite type of music? Wrap music!

5. Why do Christmas trees knit poorly? Because they keep dropping their needles.

6. Who’s Santa’s favorite singer? Elf-is Presley.

7. What do you call Frosty when he’s rude? A melt-down.

8. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim before the big night.

9. What do reindeer say before telling a joke? This one’s gonna sleigh you!

10. Why did the snowman call his dog “Frost”? Because Frost bites!

11. What’s the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum — you can’t beat it!

12. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles.

13. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed? Cookie sheets.

14. Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist? Low “elf” esteem.

15. What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf? You’re so last season.

16. Why did Rudolph get a good report card? Because he went down in history!

17. What do you get when Santa goes down a chimney with a fire lit? Krisp Kringle.

18. What’s a snowman’s favorite breakfast? Ice Krispies.

19. What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!

20. What’s Santa’s favorite kind of candy? Jolly Ranchers.

21. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.

22. What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up!

23. What’s the Grinch’s least favorite band? The Who.

24. How does Santa take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid.

25. What do you call a snowman who can sing? A “melody” of Frosty tunes.

26. What do you call an elf that joins the circus? A juggler of joy!

27. Why did Santa go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw the line.

28. What do you get when Santa overeats? Claus-trophobia.

29. Why do reindeer never get wet? Because they have rain-deer coats!

30. What’s white and goes up? A confused snowflake.

31. Why does Santa always wear red? Because it’s Claus for celebration!

32. What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-itis.

33. What is a snowman’s favorite type of party? A snow-ball.

34. What do you call an old snowman? Water.

35. What’s a sheep’s favorite Christmas song? Fleece Navidad!

36. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? They keep losing their needles!

37. What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

38. Why do turkeys join the band? Because they have drumsticks.

39. What type of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.

40. What’s Santa’s favorite snack? Ho Ho Ho’s.

41. What’s green and loud? A wrapping paper frog.

42. Why was the Christmas pudding embarrassed? It saw the turkey dressing.

43. What do you call Santa when he acts up? Krisp Kringle.

44. Why don’t reindeer ever get lost? Because they always follow the star.

45. What do you call Santa’s helpers who can sing? The Subordinate Clauses.

46. How do snowmen get around? They ride an “icicle.”

47. What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t smoke — it’s bad for my elf!

48. What did Rudolph say about the weather? It looks like rein, dear!

49. Why did the Christmas tree break up with the ornament? It was too clingy.

50. What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s workshop? A rebel without a Claus.

51. What do you call Santa when he loses his pants? Saint Knicker-less.

52. How does Santa stay fresh? He uses Clausmetics.

53. Why do elves love postmen? Because of their delivery!

54. What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots?

55. Why did the gingerbread man keep going to school? He wanted to be a smart cookie.

56. What’s Santa’s favorite piece of music? The wrapping symphony.

57. What kind of music do elves listen to? Anything that’s good for wrapping.

58. Why do Christmas trees like to knit? Because they’re good at needlework.

59. What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle smells.

60. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia.

61. What type of photos does Santa take? Elfies!

62. Why was the snowman’s dog called Frost? Because Frost bites!

63. What’s a reindeer’s favorite game? Stable tennis.

64. What do you call Santa’s most impolite reindeer? Rude-olph.

65. How do you scare a snowman? Show him a hairdryer.

66. What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.

67. What’s Santa’s favorite sport? North Pole vaulting.

68. Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas? He was already stuffed.

69. What happens to elves when they behave badly? Santa gives them the sack!

70. What’s Santa’s favorite gardening tool? A hoe-ho-ho.

71. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we’ll go places!

72. Why did the elf wear earmuffs? Because he didn’t want to hear the sleigh bells ringing.

73. What’s Santa’s favorite type of sandwich? Peanut butter and jolly.

74. Why are Christmas carolers so polite? They always sing “please Navidad.”

75. Why did the ornament go to school? It wanted to be a little brighter.

76. Where does Santa keep his money? In a snow bank.

77. What’s an elf’s favorite type of photo? Elfies.

78. What’s Santa’s favorite plant? Holly-day ivy.

79. What do you call a broke Santa Claus? Saint Nickel-less.

80. Why did Santa go to therapy? To stop his repressed Claus-trauma.

81. What’s the snowman’s least favorite food? Hot soup.

82. Why did Santa’s sleigh get a speeding ticket? Because he sleighed too fast.

83. What do you call an elf who wins the lottery? Wealthy.

84. Why did the Christmas cookie go to doctor? It felt crumby.

85. Why do snowmen hate the sun? It gives them chills.

86. Where do mistletoes go to become famous? Holly-wood.

87. Why is it so cold on Christmas? Because it’s Decembrrrrr!

88. What does Santa use to clean his sleigh? Santa-tizer.

89. Why was Santa always calm? Because nothing gets under his Claus.

90. What’s Santa’s favorite breakfast cereal? Frosted Flakes.

91. What do elves use to wrap presents? Santa-tape.

92. What do you call Santa on a skateboard? Saint Kick-flip.

93. Why did Mrs. Claus get mad at Santa? He kept dropping “Yule” logs on the carpet.

94. What did the one ornament say to another? Hang in there!

95. Why are snowmen so good at parties? They know how to break the ice.

96. What does Santa wear when it’s raining? His reindeer coat.

97. Why didn’t the Christmas tree get a present? It was on the naughty pine list.

98. What do snowmen take when the sun gets too hot? A chill pill.

99. How do you know Santa’s good at karate? He has a black belt in gift wrapping.

100. Why do Christmas trees make terrible pets? They keep dropping their needles.

101. What’s a snowman’s favorite dance move? The melt-down shuffle.

102. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.

103. How does Santa like his coffee? With plenty of Christmas cheer.

104. What’s a reindeer’s favorite form of math? Sleigh geometry.

105. How does Santa stay organized? He keeps a Claus-trophile.

106. Why did Santa study gardening? He wanted to be a ho-ho-horticulturist.

107. What do Santa’s reindeer eat for breakfast? Oat deer-meal.

108. What did the snowman say to his reflection? “Ice to see you!”

109. What’s Santa’s favorite kind of chocolate? One with a Claus on top.

110. Why did Santa bring an umbrella? Because of the reindeer forecast.

111. What’s an elf’s favorite subject in school? Sp-elving.

112. Why did Santa’s helper volunteer for acting class? He wanted to improve his “elf-expression.”

113. Why did Santa put a bell on his sleigh? Because he wanted to jingle all the way!

114. What’s Santa’s favorite dessert? Sleigh-cake with icing sugar snow.

115. What’s the snowman’s favorite drink? Ice-cold cocoa.

Conclusion

If you’ve made it this far without groaning into your eggnog, congratulations — your Christmas spirit is strong! Whether you slipped one of these into your family dinner conversation or popped it into your office holiday chat, each joke is a tiny reminder that the season isn’t just about gifts and glitter — it’s about sharing laughter, even the dodgy kind.

So next time someone rolls their eyes at your pun, remember: Santa’s always watching… and he loves a good groaner. May your holidays be full of warmth, wit, and way too many bad jokes.