@TomDWhat do you call a person who can’t stop bragging about how many different languages they can speak?
A polygloat.
@TomDA genie granted me one wish- so I wished to be happy.
Now I live with six dwarves and work down a mine.
@TomDI tried alligator last night at a local restaurant and loved it, so I figured I could try cooking it at home.
Nope, because I only have a Croc pot.
@TomDA mushroom went to a party and everyone loved him He was a fungi.
Sadly, there wasn’t mushroom for him to dance.
@TomDWould it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?
I have like 50 wooden balls already.
@TomDI've been taking these pills I bought online that are supposed to make you live forever.
So far, so good.
Rudigher avatar
@RudigherWhy should you never buy flowers from a monk?
Because only YOU can prevent florist friars!
@TomDI went into the ER this morning after accidentally swallowing a bottle of invisible ink.
It's now 6pm and I'm still waiting to be seen.
@TomDWhy is it that whenever ducks fly in a V formation, one side is always longer than the other?
Because there are more ducks on that side.
@TomDGravity is a very stron force. Do you know what you get if you remove it?
Gravy! You get gravy.
@TomDI can't take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
@TomDWhy do scuba divers always fall backwards into the water?
If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.